One Day

One day, I will let go of everything. I will let go of all the negativity, the hindrance, everything that is holding me back. One day, I will fulfill my destiny. I will be the person I should have always been.

The thing with demons is that they know to leave a seed behind. They can be flushed away, they can be eradicated, but they will always plant a seed for a newborn. This seed is deep inside one's soul, so deep it almost always gets away unnoticed, feeding off the flesh of its host. The demons watch from afar, waiting for their offspring to come to life, and when it does, they laugh and scream at your face, "YOU THINK YOU'RE SAFE? YOU THINK YOU'RE ALL BETTER NOW? WELL YOU'RE WRONG."

I'm a nice guy. Yeah I have some bad in me, but who doesn't? I snoop around people's phones every now and then for kicks, I tell inappropriate jokes, I swear and curse a lot, I take enjoyment from seeing other people suffer. We all do that sometimes (don't we?). My point is, despite all the bad things I do from time to time, I'm a nice person overall. I try to help people whenever I can, I donate to charity and homeless people, I...huh. Now that I think of it, I don't do enough good. Fuck.

Have we ever thought about that? What good have we actually done in our lives routinely? I'm not talking about that one time you helped an old lady cross the road because you were, like, there, or when you gave your food to a hobo who looked creepy and you just wanted to get rid of him. I'm talking about constantly doing good things in life. Have we ever thought about that? Do you think that somehow we all are contributing to all the evil in this world?

Edmund Burke once said, famously, that all that is necessary for evil to triumph is that good men do nothing. This is my all-time favourite quote. 

Anyways, fuck good things. You wanna do it, do it. You don't wanna, suit yourself. That Edmund Burke quote though.

One day, though, I'm pretty sure I'll explode. I feel evil. I say I'm a nice guy, but all I feel is evil. If I took the ever-popular life advice of "follow your heart", with God as my witness I swear to fucking fuck people would call me an animal. We are all animals by nature. To follow your heart means that you become your true, savage, primal self. You become the monkey, the ape, what have you. Don't follow your heart. You're gonna suffer, and that's a bare minimum, because worst case scenario is that you'll hurt other people, people who love you.

That being said, I've been an animal at times. I've tapped into my primal self. I've faced my demons. I've embraced them even. Holy shit it was awesome. It was fucking awesome I tell you. You don't feel anything other than pure lust for power and blood and all things beastly. You evoke the most powerful force known to animals; fearlessness. You just don't give a shit anymore. Oh fuck it was a great feeling to have.

For a moment. 

This transformation is ephemeral. It's temporary. It's like the effects of hard drugs, and like hard drugs, you lose the feeling after a dose. Then you want more because your stupid body is becoming more tolerant of it. Then you increase the dose. More, and more, and more, and more until before you know it, you're addicted. Hah. You're now an addict to an ethereal, fantastical, psychological drug. It's not like they can flush it out of your system at a hospital. No no no....you're fucked now.

You wanna know the most screwed up part? You can overdose. Yes, like any kind of drug, you can, and will, overdose if you're not careful. And yes, overdose can lead to death. You wanna be a rock star? Well at least you can die like one for free!

Anyways, fuck that. Where was I? Oh, yes. One day, I will be better. One day, I will recover. One day, I will outgrow this shit. One day, I will succeed in life.

One

Fucking

Day