Hope

I came across a nice quote today. I'm gonna paraphrase it because who the fuck has the time to memorise every single word.

"If you always feel the need to travel, you probably want a new life"

Or something like that. It hit me. I LOVE travelling. Seeing new stuff. Fuck I love old cities. And Christmas Markets in Europe holy shit. They don't have those here in New Zealand because it's hot during Christmas so people just party and go wild and shit (white people smh).

Do I want a new life? Fuck yes. I hate this life I'm living now. Not much feels genuine, at least not anymore. Every year I tell myself, this is the beginning of my new life. I used to wonder who the fuck am I kidding, then, well, I stopped caring. Why? It's the hope. Hope is a strange thing.

I've had my paths crossed with hope many times. Oh yes we know each other quite well. The thing with hope is that it wants to help. It really does. You close your eyes and you see it. You see hope. Then you begin doing things differently because of the newfound hope. Its intentions are pure. However, we often misread it as promise. Oh I tell you hope and promise are two absolutely different beings. The fucked up thing about it is that they seems so similar. Now, don't blame hope, it doesn't know you're mistaking it for promise. Like I said, it just wants to help. Hope helps. Promise gives. One opens the door and the other is whatever the fuck is beyond that door.

Anyways, hope and I, we know each other. Believe it or not, hope knows when I mistake it for promise. Oh it knows, but it doesn't really stop me from believing so. Hope is like your grandma; all it wants to see is you being happy and smiling and not wallowing in sorrow or whatever, so sometimes it tells white lies. I'm fully aware that hope lies to me all the time, but I don't care. I suck on whatever happiness I can find, and hope provides me with the pseudo-nutrient that is happiness.

I want to start over. New page. Clean slate. I want promise. If a fucking genie came up to me asking for one wish, I would wish for this. A brand new start. To everything. Fuck money, fuck big houses, I just want to re-write what I am. Hope helps me; by creating an illusion of a world that I can re-write my history.

From this vantage point it sure seems that hope is a bad thing. It actually can be. Like all good things in this world, you simply twist one aspect, it can become maleficent, and no, the good thing doesn't know one of its aspects is twisted, or maybe it does and it doesn't give a fuck. How would I know?

So, what does hope do to you?