Tuesday, November 10, 2015

A Middle Finger To All Of You

I feel a bit happier nowadays. I give less shit, I expect less, I care about myself a bit more, and I just give middle fingers to all adversities life throws at me. Maybe the sunshine this shit city has been getting a lot these days have really helped, even though I still spend 80% of my time beside a window.

Yeah Wellington is a shit city. It's too windy, too unpredictable, too expensive, and holy shit I spent 30 minutes trying to get parking just now. Still, I love it. It's shit but it's still lovable. Maybe it's because I've been expecting so much less about everything lately that I finally think I love this place.

The people is nice as well in general. Smiles aplenty, warm welcomes galore, and just enough darkness to keep you on your toes. They're not perfect, but they sure as hell try, and to me, that's what counts. By people, I mean true Wellingtonians. Kiwis. The locals. My people? My people are a funny bunch. I don't feel like I should elaborate, because Malaysians are Malaysians, no matter where the fuck they end up going.

I received some fucked-up news not too long ago. I fucked up. This was not some fuck-up you can just brush off like dandruff-on-your-shoulders-because-you-forgot-to-shampoo fuck-up, it's more like the fuck-up where you consider blowing up a fuckton of rabbits just so you wanna feel like you helped decimate the innocence in the world kind of fuck-up. Yeah I said it.

However, I didn't feel that way when I got the news. It was more like finally getting home after a long-ass drive so you can shit peacefully in your own toilet. A sense of relief. Like getting to let go of a piece of ember you were forced to clench in your fists by the powers that be. It was messed up, and I was so fucking confused. How does one fuck up so hard but felt relief?

I can't wait to go back home. Oh, I don't fucking know when I'm going home because I still haven't bought my fucking tickets. Mom, please.