B.A.D.

It's been a bad week. I mean, nothing bad actually happened, it's just that it's been a bad week. It's like that for me. One day I can feel all sunshine and butterflies then the next it can turn into thunderstorm and flies. There's no middle ground, no cloud building up, no dying butterflies, no nothing. I used to say "fuck my life" but now I just say "here we go again."

Oh and fuck you if you say "just chill out man blablabla..."

It's nothing I can control. It just comes. One day it's rapture and the next apocalypse. Sometimes they happen in the same day, more than once. It's violent, the change. It's also exhausting, frustrating, and full of consequence. When you're somewhere very high, it hurts more when you come crashing down like a sack of potatoes. 

We always whine about how our life is not perfect and how we don't have money and how we have to work or study and how shit things happen to us all the fucking time. What's a perfect life anyway? Has anyone ever stopped and thought about what a perfect life is? Okay so you want a lot of money doing as little work as possible, you want to be happily married with kids (or no kids, whatever), you want a big house, a big car, yadayadayada. Have you ever thought that having all that is not as perfect as it seems?

In life there is a primal need for things to be balanced. Think about it. Without balance, shit just falls over. If you think achieving all those "perfect" things is like crossing the finish line, you're fucked. I'm not gonna explain further because it's not actually my place to talk about shit I don't have, but I'm sure all of you have the ability to think about consequences of all your actions. If not, why are you able to read the shit I'm writing?

I'm feeling so bitter today. I've been wanting to write something but nothing seems to be coming out, then I saw something on the internet that made me feel so bitter. I'm not saying what it is because I don't think that person wants to know how I'm actually feeling. Besides, people only like it if we're happy for them right? No one wants people coming up to their faces saying "fuck you and your happiness" or "may you crash and burn" or whatever. Fuck whoever coined the saying honesty is the best policy because most of the time, it's not. 

Anyways I might be quitting anytime soon. What am I quitting? I won't tell. It's probably gonna be publicly known when I quit it anyways so why bother? You fuckers just love talking about what people are doing am I right? All you fuckers want to know what is it I'm quitting, and most of you shits don't even have the fucking balls to even ask me decently. That's just how we are, and I don't blame you. We're all idiots. We're all pussies. We prefer the easier way of assuming instead of the harder way which is finding out. Well, in that case, good fucking luck having that perfect life.

Okay so for clarification purposes, quitting here doesn't mean I'm going to kill myself. It sounds perfectly plausible, I know, but no, it's not suicide. I haven't thought of suicide for a long time and I want to keep it that way. Sure I'm falling down right now, but I've not hit rock bottom just yet. Yes, once I hit rock bottom I will be thinking of suicide. It won't be the first time.